from the musical LONG STORY SHORT, based on the play AN INFINITE ACHE by David Schulner
lyrics
(As the music begins, HOPE enters in a flurry of activity, with two shopping bags of clothes and shoes. She is wearing a relatively sexy outfit. She drops the bags on the bed.)
Empowered
Fabulous, fifty and single
My friends said you'll find you a much better guy
If you just get on out there and mingle
Men will be lined up outside of your door
Life will be better than ever before
You're smart and amazing and beautiful —you're
Empowered!
(She exits the way she came in, leaving the bags. CHARLES enters with a glass of water and waters the plants. He notices the bags. He leaves. HOPE re-enters, with more new clothing and shoes. As she sings the following, she is rummaging through the bags for a new outfit and new shoes.)
Emboldened
Okay, date number one's not the winner
Time to try harder, get back in the game
You know, Rome wasn't built over dinner
I'll be more selective—I think that's the key
This evening a drink with a nice Ph.D.
Shorter skirt, higher heels, you can bet that I'll be
Emboldened!
(HOPE exits to the bathroom holding a black cocktail dress and high heels, presumably to change into. CHARLES enters with a glass of water. This time he takes down all the plants, replaces them with lusher, greener plants, and waters them. He is bemused by the profusion of dresses and shoes. He exits through the front door. HOPE enters through the front door. She is wearing the black cocktail dress and high heels. She looks fabulous, but she is visibly deflated.)
Embarrassed
Embarrassing even to say why
Conversation was sparkling and witty and fun
I just had a date with a gay guy
I should have known better, how could I not see
That no good-looking hetero doctor would be
So into an aging neurotic like me
Embarrassed
(HOPE leaves through the front door. CHARLES enters with a glass of water. He replaces the plants with even larger, lusher versions, waters them and leaves. HOPE enters, stumbling. She is drunk, and disappointed.)
My friends say, "Try something new, Hope"
My friends say, "It's the right thing to do, Hope"
My friends say "Speed dating's great, Hope"
They say, "It's never too late, Hope"
So I'm back from four dates with four men in four hours
Four cups of coffee, then four whiskey sours
One must have doused his whole self with cologne
One spent the whole freaking time on the phone
One had a comb-over, one was a gnome
And I'm tired and pissed and I'd rather stay home
I need a good man
Someone who went to high school
Someone who speaks English
Someone who's still breathing
I need ice cream.
credits
from Brown Bag Compilation #1,
released August 27, 2012
Valerie Vigoda: vocal
Brendan Milburn: arrangement, midi, sound effects
